essay #7

Gabe Campbell

H. Salsich

English 9B

20^th November, 2008

 

                                                The Awakening to Awareness;

                        A Reaction to a talk by Stump Olsen and Heterosexism                                               

 

            (1) In our rising society (participle), flaws aren’t found very often. (2) Even still, there are a few grave problems such as heterosexism that are plaguing our civilization. (3) When Stump Olsen came into talk with us, she unraveled this sour surprise to us. (4) With the talk from Ms. Olsen, my eyes were not only opened to the abuse hate that heterosexuals have to face but the torture and suffering they face mentally as well.

            (TS) Stump Olsen’s talk left a significant impression on me. (SD) The first impression it left was shock. (CM) Overnight, she transformed from a beloved friend to the most hated kid in the school. (CM) She had to encounter isolation and abuse for the majority of her high school years. (SD) In addition, her talk left me astonished for two reasons. (CM) The first was because she could talk about a subject so harsh with such ease and secondly because she has gone through this hardship and is still a joyful person. (CM) This astonished me because with all the discrimination that she encountered she still talks about it effortlessly. (SD) Finally, her talk left me with a new understanding. (CM) In recent years, I have been exposed to derogatory language as mentioned by Ms. Olsen and thought nothing of it. (CM) Now I realize how hurtful phrases like “that’s so gay” can really be. (CS) Overall, Stump Olsen’s speech left a momentous impact on me and gave a new awareness of the treatment of homosexuals and lesbians.

            (TS) Heterosexism is becoming a very serious issue in today’s society. (SD) The first reason is because heterosexuals are average people. (CM) There are no differences on the appearance of the person and the only difference is that the person is attracted to the same gender. (CM) The fact that people discriminate by this fact is completely inhumane and illogical because if you had a room consisting of mixed straight and hetero people, you couldn’t tell the difference just by looking at them. (SD) In addition, heterosexism is starting to make heterosexuals hate themselves. (CM) As Ms. Olsen said, “ I was hoping that they would beat the gay out of me”. (CM) People were making her feel so awful about her sexual preference that she would hope that during one of her WEEKLY beatings she would wake up the next morning a straight person. (SD) Finally, it has put innocent people into a state of fear. (CM) Heterosexuals are constantly petrified because they face the standing threat that they will be murdered or abused by hate groups such as the Ku Klux Klan. (CM) In a land of freedom, innocent people should not have a “death warrant” out for them just because of their sexual preference. (CS) Overall, heterosexism is a disease that is infecting our society.

            (1) Heterosexism, the virus that is spreading through our country (absolute), is as much of a serious matter as racism. (2) This issue used to be a closed door until Ms. Olsen opened us up to the dark world of hatred. (3) Without her talk, we would never have understood the gravity of this situation. (4) Overall, Ms. Olsen’s inspirational yet devastating talk has awakened us all to a world of discrimination.

 

                                                                                                                                               

 

Gabe

11/20/08

Essay on a reaction to Stump Olsen’s talk

 

1)    I used some good fast words to enhance the writing. I also got rid of unnecessary words.

2)    I didn’t exactly follow the theme of unity. Also, my opening/closing essays don’t exactly correspond with the rest of the essay

3)    I am continually having trouble making my opening/closing paragraphs tell what the rest of the essay is about. Also, my TS’ and CS’ aren’t always attention grabbing

4)    B/B+

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Heterosexism; My Reaction to a Discussion with Stump Olsen

1.People are being hurt and even killed just because of the sex that they are attracted to. 2.Mrs. Olsen is a homosexual woman who experienced physical and mental heterosexism during her adolescence. 3.Sitting in her final class, Mrs. Olsen is thinking about how she is going to get from the door to her locker without being abused. 4.During our discussion some of the things she told me almost made me literally jump out of my seat.

 

TS.Stump Olsen taught me some things about heterosexism that almost brought me into shock. SD.It seems as if the beatings and taunting in her stories were amplified from what I had originally thought. CM.Being jumped twice a week at school would be a horrible experience. CM.I am grateful that the teachers and students at Pine Point School are as loving and caring as they show to be. SD.During our discussion Mrs. Olsen said,"I was not fortunate enough to have a family that stood behind me but I did have a large group of friends who are now my family." CM.This made me think about how important it is to have a family and how important it is to have friends. CM.It is not Olsen's fault that she is heterosexual and her immediate family should understand that. CS.Though Mrs. Olsen had a pretty bad childhood she turned out to be an intelligent, funny woman.

TS.Heterosexism is a topic that has been amplified in our generation. SD.Saying hetero slurs like,"That's Gay" have become part of young and adult language. CM.Though it may be offensive to these heterosexuals we may not catch them coming out of our mouths and because of this mistake we make unwanted lasting impressions. CM.Not long ago African-Americans were discriminated against by many individuals; they were killed and tortured. SD.This is something that I hope will not escalate with heterosexual men and women. CM.In my own family there are heterosexuals and it would be an outrage if anyone of them were hut just because of they are heterosexual. CS.How someone can discriminate against something that one person does not choose to become is beyond me. 

1.Heterosexism is a growing problem that needs a solution, and needs one fast. 2.Her heart broken her family lost, Mrs. Olsen overcame her horrid past. 3.The thing that Mrs. Olsen experienced was undoubtably one of the most appalling experiences that one person could overcome. 4.Mrs. Olsen is proof that it is possible to be a heterosexual and excel in life.

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Rashad Young

11.20.2008

Essay #7

1. I am continuing to work on removing unnecessary words, and simple punctuation errors.

2. I see some strong points in the second chunk.

3. Staying connected to the main point.

5. B-/B

Heterosexism and Stump Olsen

Wendell Frink

Mr. Salsich

9English

20 November 2008

Heterosexism and Ms. Olsen

An essay about heterosexism and a speaker

The world we live in is forever, we have a new president, terrorism is forever a threat, and the word gay is used everyday. We need to stop using this word in a negative way, and that’s what Ms. Olsen came to talk to us about and her experiences as a homosexual. Heterosexism is one of the largest topics in the media and in our lives. As she grew up, Ms. Olsen was beaten and broken, but she still pressed on in life.

TS) Ms. Olsens talk about heterosexism was a huge eye opener to me. (SD) First of all, I had no idea about the beatings that would take place to heterosexuals. (CM) In particular, Ms. Olsen was jumped at least twice a week, and was beaten up badly. (CM) A young high school girl trying to disguise her wounds from her parents, wouldn’t go home after school. (SD) Secondly, she didn’t tell people for fifteen years. (CM) Because of the sexism that was going on in the world she was scared of what more could happen to her. (CM) Also she didn’t want her parents to know of her feelings towards other women, she didn’t know what to expect. (SD) Lastly, I admired how happy she was. (CM) Even though she as been disbanded from her family and beaten up, she is so carefree about everything, "Ok that wasn't a good joke..." (CM) On her birthday she checks her mailbox to see if her parents sent her anything, the answer is always no, but "15 smiling people will be there to give [her] cards" instead. (CS) Overall this has been a wonderful experience.

(TS) Heterosexism, being one of the most widely discussed topics in today’s world, constantly gains attention. (SD) The biggest thing is the idea of allowing gay marriage. (CM) As of now, the only states in the U.S. where gay marriage is legalized are Connecticut and Massachusetts. (CM) California tried to pass gay marriage, but it was shot down during the November 4^th election. (SD) The second issue is, that young adults and even some adults use the saying “that’s gay” on a regular basis. (CM) Have you ever thought about how that might make someone who is gay feel? (CM) You probably have never thought about that, but when you say those two words, you are hurting someone’s feelings. (SD) I am touched personally by homosexuality. (CM) My aunt is gay and kept it a secret until she was thirty years old. (CM) She felt the same way that Ms. Olsen did, isolated and different and that she had to date boys, just like what Ms. Olsen did. As you can see, homosexuality and heterosexism, is widely talked about in the world.

As you can see, heterosexism is something that needs to be stopped. People want to kill themselves because of how they feel towards others, and this is not something that should be happening. After Ms. Olsens talk, we will all try to make an effort to stop using the term “that’s gay” when something that we do doesn’t go out right. Every movement starts somewhere, maybe the movement to stop using those slurs will start at PPS.

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1. Writing issues I'm continuing to work on: I am continuing to work on putting commas where they belong and deleting commas that are not needed. This is something that I really need to work on.
2. Some strong points I see in this piece of writing are: After the help of Mr. Salsich and my classmates I know that my particle and absolute are the way they need to be. I also think that my second body paragraph is well written.
3. Some weak points I see: The SD of the third paragraph is a little weak I think that I can change that. I probably have several comma errors that I haven't noticed yet.
4. The grade I would give myself: 85

Rashad Young

Mr. Salsich

9 English

11.12.2008

“The Way to Rainy Mountain”;

A Reaction to an Essay

The Rainy Mountain was a place of pain and suffering, but also a place of love and worship. In “The Way to Rainy Mountain” N. Scott Momaday uses many words that would otherwise seem unnecessary to describe many things such as the Mountain itself. He also shows compassion when chanting about his grandmother and how she always kept the spirit of Kiowa very strong. His many descriptive words give me a better understanding of his life and lifestyle during the early 1900’s.

(TS)Throughout the essay "The Way to Rainy Mountain", Momaday uses very descriptive words, which brings the places he is describing to life in the minds eye. (SD)The essay begins with his description of the homelands of his Kiowa people, which has been given the name of Rainy Mountain. (CM)The picture painted in the readers mind by these beautiful descriptions makes it easily understandable why the Kiowa people came to settle upon this land as their home. (CM)For example, part of the description Momaday gives of the land within the first paragraph is, “There are green belts along the rivers and creeks, linear groves of hickory and pecan, willow and witch hazel.” (SD)At a distance in July or August the streaming foliage seems almost to writhe in fire."(CM) I cannot help but imagine the trees wavering in a gentle early fall breeze as the yellows and reds seem as if the whole land is burning beneath the fading summer sun. (CM)Halfway through the essay he describes the Black Hills by saying, "A dark mist lay over the Black Hills and the land was like iron. (SD)" He then describes Devil's Tower in the next sentence by writing "…I caught sight of Devil's Tower up thrust against the gray sky as if in the birth of time the core of the earth had broken through its crust and the motion of the world was begun. (CM)"The way Momaday depicts this tower gives me a crystal clear picture in my head. (CM) It almost makes me feel like I was actually there and this is just a distant memory in my head. (CS)Momaday writing to me seems like an illustrated picture book, with elaborate drawings and Illustrations.
During our time our life and morals are changing as we progress into the future. Momaday’s essay is an excellent example of making a tremendous change in culture, religion, and even language. After reading this essay, Momaday has inspired myself to work hard through my bad times and even harder through the horrible ones. N. Scott Momaday is one of the best writers of our century and this essay proves that.

Admiration

Gabe

Mr. Salsich

English 9

12^th of November 2008

           

                                                            Admiration, Awe, and Respect;

                        An essay about emotions in the story “The Way to Rainy Mountain”

 

            In all of our lives, there is something that deep down we appreciate. It can range from music to the sight of a sunset. For example, when N. Scott Momaday was talking about the landscape, he was so vivid in his portrayals that a sense of admiration was embedded (F.A.S.T. word) in his writing. Overall, in the essay “the Way to Rainy Mountain” by N. Scott Momaday, appreciation, awe, and respect for the land were subtle (F.A.S.T. word) yet recurring emotions that he demonstrated.

            Throughout the essay, traces of these emotions were scattered within the story. The first example was when he wrote, ‘to look upon the landscape in the early morning, your imagination comes to life.” Mr. Momaday was implying that the beauty of dawn allows your thoughts to run wild. The brilliant colors and crisp details essentially give your mind clay to mold, something that Mr. Momaday appreciates because not many things can do this. In addition, another example is when he wrote, "winter brings blizzards, hot tornadic winds arise in the spring, and in summer the prairie is an anvil's edge." This time admiration is subtler because Momaday is also depicting (F.A.S.T. word) respect. He admires and respects Mother Nature because she has such power. She has the ability to turn a barren tundra into an arid prairie. Finally, when he wrote ‘”he sky is immense beyond comparison”, Momaday was showing admiration through awe. He is amazed at the mere existence of something so vast. At the same time, while he realizes that he is but a fraction of the size he admires the existence of the sky for how grand it is. Overall, while they may be slight, admiration, respect, and awe can be found hidden within the essay “the Way to Rainy Mountain” by N. Scott Momaday.

            Within our lives there are traces of many different emotions among our thoughts. We could respect the complexness of space, fear the vastness, and admire the beauty (3 action verb) of it without even realizing it. This can also be true when describing Mother Nature. In the essay “the Way to Rainy Mountain” by N. Scott Momaday, the three traits admiration, respect, and awe were apparent because he demonstrated each of the three in his description of the landscape.

Rainy Mountain; An analysis of an essay

Wendell Frink

Mr. Salsich

9English

12 November 2008

Rainy Mountain

An analysis of an essay

The Rainy Mountain is forever changing, a place with extreme weather, from boiling hot to freezing cold, and so is the life of the Kiowas. Ms. Momaday was from the Kiowa tribe and heard all of the hardships that the generations before her had to face. In her essay she describes how the Kiowas came into Yellowstone and then how the U.S. Calvary swept them away from their homes. Ms. Momaday’s essay gave me new insight on how the Native Americans were treated.

(TS) In her essay describes how the Kiowas were treated during the 1800’s. (SD) Firstly, she tells how the U.S. Calvary captured the Kiowa tribe’s people. (CM) After the Civil War, the U.S. changed its sights to the west, and with the west were the Native Americans. (CM) The U.S. Government did not like the Native Americans, so they sent out troops to capture, imprison, and sell the Native Americans as slaves. (SD) As if capturing the Native Americans wasn’t enough, they imprisoned them “in an old stone corral.” (CM) The grandmother almost went to the prison but missed it by “eight or ten years.” (CM) But she did know of the anger of the old warriors, “the dark brooding” of defeat which is the worst thing to live with during that time. (SD) Lastly, the soldiers slaughtered all of the wild buffalo. (CM)To pass time, the soldiers would shoot the wild herds of buffalo and leave the carcasses to rot in the fields. (CM) During the last Sun Dance, the Kiowas could not find any buffalo skulls for their decorations, because all of the buffalo were dead. (CS) After reading Ms. Momadays essay, my mind has been opened up to some Native American history.

The world is always changing, that’s what happened to Ms. Momadays family, their world changed. This wasn’t a good thing though, for they were thrust into a world of anger and hate. Ms. Momaday carefully tells the story of one tribe captured by the U.S. Calvary, and the events that ensued. The Native Americans weren’t wrong, it was the U.S. Government.

Rashad Young
Mr. Salsich
9English
11.4.2008

Double Take; A second look at the Garden Party

If you were walking down the street and saw a man walking on stilts you would probably take a few looks at this man. This is
exactly what we did with “The Garden Party” by Katherine Mansfield. Looking over this story multiple times freed up any confusion there was in the original reading. Reading through the garden party a second time made me notice many things that would have otherwise gone under my radar.
Though there were many things that were new to me in the second reading only a few popped out at me. What I noticed was how quickly Laura wanted to stop the garden party when the man died. Though this was a tragic moment it would not be reasonable to discontinue a whole initiation ceremony. It almost seemed as if Laura did not want to continue with the party for some unknown reason. Laura also added, “Jose! However are we going to stop everything”, this was another part that had contributed my last point. After re-reading this section of the story it almost made me think that she did not want to be initiated. She continuously tried to stop the party almost as it she hadn’t become of age quite yet. The final thing that I noticed was when Ms. Mansfield was describing the deceased man. She stated that he was “remote” and “peaceful”. As I was reading this I was thinking how death is not always a bad thing, it is our time to join out creator. Laura had seen life, watched ongoing conflict, and observed a peaceful death. (3 Action)
I believe that reading this book a second time enabled me to understand and realize many things that I did not see in the first reading. Laura had endured many different hills and valleys throughout her day of initiation. With this story being so engaging I do not think it would be a bad idea to read a third time. Even on the third time through I would probably find a handful of treasure that went unnoticed.

A Second Look

Gabe Campbell

Mr. Salsich

English 9B

5^th November 2008

 

                                    At a Second Glance;

         An Essay About the Story “the Garden Party” at a Second Look

 

         A second look at anything will unravel surprises you haven’t noticed before. If you take a second look at a piece of art you can notice colors contrasting, or if you take another glance at statue you could notice details that you hadn’t seen before. You can even discover new things when taking a second look at a story. While rereading the story “Garden Party” by Katherine Mansfield, new emotions became clear.

         During our second look, Laura’s hidden feelings became apparent. One emotion that I hadn’t noticed before was humility. The passage, “[…] the big hat with the velvet streamer – if only it was another hat!” represented humility because Laura was ashamed to be wearing a flashy hat. She is going to visit a dead man’s family and she knew she wouldn’t leave a good impression by wearing an extravagant hat. In addition to humility, contentment became obvious. When Laura thought, “Yes, it was the most successful party” (1 brief quote) she was emitting satisfaction because she was pleased that the outcome was excellent. She knew she put effort into the party and it paid off. Finally, discovery was more evident throughout the second reading. The passage “It was simply marvelous” (2 brief quotes) was confusing at first confusing because it was describing death. The second reading made it clearer because Laura went to the man’s house, stared at his lifeless corpse, and realized how at peace he was with the world (three action verb). She discovered beauty in something as depressing as death. To summarize, throughout the second reading of “the Garden Party” different emotions became clear.

         A second look clarifies everything. A second look at a test could reveal mistakes. A second look at a poem could expose ambiguous phrases. Finally, a second look at a novel could uncover emotions that weren’t evident before. Overall, our second look at “the Garden Party” by Katherine Mansfield gave me a better grasp on Laura’s hidden emotions.

"The Garden Party;" A relook at the story

Wendell Frink

Mr. Salsich

9English

5 November 2008

“The Garden Party”

A relook at a short story

Sometimes after rereading a book we can find something that we didn’t see, like a puzzling word, or a descriptive sentence, or even a whole page. After rereading the story “The Garden Party” by Katherine Mansfield there were parts to the story that I had noticed. For example, Laura wanted to be a work girl, she thought that she could do things a lot better then other people, and Laurie asked her “to take a squiz at [his] coat.” Rereading a book or a story is a good way to find something new and interesting.

When I reread the story “The Garden Party” by Katherine Mansfield I found several points that I had overlooked. Firstly, noticed that Laura wanted to be like the “workmen.” The thought of just being so carefree was appealing to her. She didn’t want to stay in “these absurd class distinctions,” it was tiresome to her. Secondly, “she thought that she could do [things] so much better than anybody else.” Arranging things made her proud. She “loved to arrange things” as do we all. Lastly, I noticed a word that was quite funny, actually. Laurie asked Laura to “give a squiz at [his] coat” and “see if it wants pressing.” With a word that outrageous I should have picked it up right away, but I didn’t. That’s what rereading shows you, information in the story that you had missed before.

As you can see, rereading is not a bad idea. Reading a story for a second time might make you understand it a lot better, you’ll be able to understand the plot, find new information about the characters, and be able to talk about the story better. It might make you go, “Oh, I never saw that before” or “this is something new.” Sometimes its just fun to reread a story.