Wendell Frink
Mr. Salsich
9English
17 February 2009
Musical Revelations
An Essay on Music in Shakespeare and in My Life
(1) What if for the rest of your life [appositive as a sentence opener], you could hear everything else but music. (2) How would you feel? (3) If music was taken away from Caliban or me, than we would be utterly devastated. (4) Music is ever present in both of our lives.
TS Music makes the scene all the better for Caliban. SD To him, music “give[s] delight and [doesn’t] hurt.” CM When he dreams at night music makes him think of “riches ready to drop upon” him. CM He has cried for these riches, just so he could see them again. SD Listening to music before sleeping is big theme in The Tempest. CM For Caliban, if he listens to a stellar performance of “a thousand twangling instruments,” he can fall right asleep. CM Even if he has just woken up, the music lulls him slowly back into a dreaming state. SD Unfortunately, Caliban has a new music. CM When Stephano gave Caliban the liquor, he cursed him, for Caliban is now addicted to alcohol, he follows Stephano, asks for alcohol, and bows down to Stephano [Prepositional Phrase]. CM Caliban is a slave to Stephano now [appositive], just because a swig of alcohol. CS Now that Caliban has a new “music,” alcohol might make everything better for him.
TS My life has also been impacted by music, forever it has changed, and it was just from listening to music [compound-complex sentence]. SD Music sends me into a far away place. CM Whenever I am really tired, I too can fall asleep into a dreamy state. CM The throbbing beat of a song can be like a gentle lullaby that is sung by a mother for her child. SD Not all music in my life is real. CM For example, the gentle sound of a water fall is musical. CM I could sit next to a water fall all day and listen to it as the cascade of water fell to the ground. SD The last thing in my life that is musical is the fact that I can play an instrument. CM Whenever I play my trumpet and it sounds stellar [FAST], I feel a sense of pride wash over me. CM Sometimes this event can put a whole new perspective on the outcome of my day. CS Music is present in my life [short sentence].
(1) Whenever we are tired, music helps us dream. (2) Whenever we are angry, music makes us happy. (3) Music has special healing qualities that nothing else can bestow on someone. (4) For Caliban and me, all of these special parts of music help us and serve us when times are good, or when times are bad.
2 comments:
Great job Wendell!
Pros: I like how you incorporated words like "devastated" and "swig" to replace ordinary words like "shocked" or "drink"
Cons: I could be wrong but I think you misused the introductory appositive because it just continues into the sentence. Also, in the second SD of the body paragraph, you talk about how sleep is a big theme and that doesn't quite follow the main point of music as you stated in the TS
Overall great job!
Good job DUB!
PROS.
You did a wonderful job incorporating a variety of short and long sentences into the essay.
CONS.
In the second body paragraph it would benefit your writing if you changed the fragment to a full sentence. The topic sentence in the second body paragraph would be more effective if you said, "My life has also been impacted by music"
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